As the days shorten and the temperature drops, I am reminded of the fact that I used to dread Winter.
I believed, rightly or wrongly, that I suffered from seasonal adjustment disorder or S.A.D as I felt was an appropriate acronym.
I once expressed my dislike for winter in no uncertain terms to my friend Yorick, who replied “what if this was the last winter of your life?”
Curiously, the phrase “Alas poor Yorick” refers to the brevity of human life. 'Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio' comes from Shakespeare's Hamlet. Hamlet speaks the line in a graveyard, as a meditation on the fragility of life...
The conversation with Yorick the optimist, continued around a discussion of roasts, red wine, fireplaces and footy. I now absolutely love winter!
For years, I have been asking my clients, in future pacing conversations, if they have ever considered what they would be like at their own 80th birthday?
Most have never considered the event and the ones who had, have an enviable party planned and I am confident their plan will not be a wish – a goal without a plan is really just a wish…
For those who have not, I offer a couple of scenarios of how that event may look.
They are either standing up straight and strong, having stood from their chair unaided, and articulately thanking their loved ones for attending, proud of the memories and experiences they have created and the loyal friends and family in attendance, whom they are grateful for and proud of.
The alternative scenario (if they actually get to that age) is that they are in a wheelchair, riddled with health ailments, not sure of who those in attendance actually are, and unable to speak for the room to hear - but one thing they can be sure of is that those in attendance are most probably there to ensure their names are included in their will… Where there’s a will, there’s a relative…
As is the case with future pacing exercises, we then work back from then until now to ensure that the current day and future days deliver the desired outcome they plan to achieve.
Recently however I had a different perspective on arriving at a ripe old age.
My father had his 85th Birthday and stood up with the strength and agility of a 40-year-old and gave a hearty and intelligent speech in respect of the 10 children he had raised and his pride and happiness for the grandchildren and great grandchildren in attendance.
The life expectancy for Australia in 2020 was 83.5 years, a 0.18% increase from 2019.
My shift in perspective was that it is not unlikely that many of us will attain the age of 85 and if you’re one of my clients, not only would you stand up with the strength and agility of a 40 year old, but you’d give a pretty good account of yourself, with an attitude of gratitude and you’d throw a few jokes into your speech to the cheers of your grateful guests..(oh and you’d be raising a very good glass of champagne at the conclusion…)
However, the future pacing exercise I have recently introduced is based around a mathematical calculation in consideration of where you are at in life right now.
85 years equates as 365 x 85 = 31,025 days...
So, if you are 50, by these calculations; 50 x 365 = 18,250 leaving 12,775 days on the planet and 35 winters...
Get your calculator out and work out how many days you have remaining.
The idea of your days being numbered really sinks in after this exercise and must make one really consider the value you are placing on your time.
I once had a client complain that she did not have time in her day for exercise or enough time for good food preparation for healthy lunches.
When I asked her what time, she got home from work she said 6.30pm. I asked what time she went to bed, and she said midnight. I then asked what time she woke up of a morning and what time did she leave for work. She told me her alarm goes off at 7am and she left the house by 7.30 am, without breakfast most days. My final question was around what she did from the time she got home until she went to bed – she had dinner and then watched television for around 4 hours...
I was prompted to ask her would she ever consider getting up at 3am in the morning and watch TV for 4 hours? Obviously, her answer was “NO” and the realisation was that she was literally, killing time.
Like a snow flake you will never come around again.
You are unique and the traits and gifts you have been given are unique to you. Develop them by daily respect of the time you give to them. Use it or lose it refers not only to our physicality, but to our mental acuity.
The idea that someone goes to the gym once and quits because they did not see results is as ludicrous as the person who tries mediation once and quits because they did not experience less stress, or clarity, or peace of mind or improved sleep or greater self-awareness.
All we have is this moment – Day by day is the only way you can really approach your future – today is all you can really affect - but make the most of each day.
Be well.
DL
“Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand – and melting like a snowflake” Francis Bacon