“Comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host, then a master. And then it becomes a tamer, and with a hook and whip it makes puppets of your larger desires.”
The memories you have of events in your life are enhanced by the meaning these memories had for you at the time of their occurrence—happy, sad, or otherwise.
The more emotion that is attached to an event, the more vivid the memories. You recognize the value of what life means to you by the importance you place on a memorable event.
Identifying where you find your true meaning in life can help you identify your life’s true purpose.
I like to ask people where they find their greatest happiness in life.
A simple two-fold question I ask is: “Where do you happily spend most of your time and money?”
Many men say: “Happy wife, happy life,” and I always respond: “No, happy life, happy wife.”
Some men meet a woman, display all the character traits she is attracted to, and form a solid relationship with her as a married couple.
Then an unfortunate life event happens. It’s usually a loss of some kind. A job or someone close to the man, which makes him sad. His partner displays appropriate sympathy, and he takes solace in her support. But this behavior sticks as a newly adopted character trait for him. He becomes melancholic, which eventually becomes unattractive to his partner. She ultimately wants him to “man up” and be the person he was when he wooed her. Sympathy has become his new currency.
The perfect storm is when the man’s melancholy coincides with the woman’s menopause and the corresponding moods are bereft of kindness.
Postnatal depression is another instance where a partner needs to step up and be aware of the responsibility of “buffering the suffering” whenever they can.
These are all a crises of identity beliefs.
In the movie Death at a Funeral, a character says: “It’s one thing to be in a bad mood, but a bad mood which lasts too long just becomes a bad personality.”
Believing your happiness is dependent upon someone else is setting yourself up for trouble. It is putting your destiny in their hands. If you are a contented and unselfish person in the pursuit of happiness, the people around you should be glad that you are happy.
A lot of women I work with are dissatisfied with their husband or partner because he is unhappy and lacks vim and vigor. A lot of men I work with are dissatisfied with their wife or partner because she is unhappy and lacks vim and vigor.
To maintain a healthy relationship, both parties need enormous self-awareness and a sense of empathy, not sympathy. They also need a high level of personal accountability.
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it,” Atticus said to Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird, and I think he was right.
Many years ago, I realized I spent most of my free time in some form of fitness or health-based activity and a lot of my money was invested in the equipment and attire these activities required. I also spent time and money on buying and reading books. Mainly self-help books.
I have found great purpose and reward from personal training and life coaching. So, it has made complete sense to combine both passions into mind and body coaching.
I developed a program that centers around the completion of a templated manuscript that enables clients to discover their life’s purpose.
Throughout the process the question that is continually raised is “Why?”
This completed manuscript, which must be reviewed daily, then becomes a blueprint for their dream life.
I ask my clients to consider their manuscript in a Pavlovian fashion.
Ivan Pavlov was a Russian physiologist best known for an experiment that involved ringing a bell to signal he was about to feed a dog. Eventually he would ring the bell without supplying food and the dog would salivate at the mere sound of the bell.
In your completed goal-getting template, PAVLOV stands for:
Just like Pavlov’s dogs, the sight of this document should make you “salivate for your future.” It holds a mirror to yourself and serves as a template for exploration and accountability. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, then the whys are the windows to your goals.
Here is a synopsis of the PURPOSE acrostic I created to outline the process:
The reason I use acrostics as mnemonics is to ensure your objectives are memorable, retainable, and actionable. Your PURPOSE manuscript and blueprint needs to be read and reviewed daily, preferably right before journaling, because you should be living your life with PURPOSE.
When I started my coaching business, the mnemonic I created for attaining goals was based on encouraging people to write their goals with their DREAM life in mind.
The SMART goal acronym lacked motivation for getting people to take action to attain their DREAM life.
I created the DREAM acrostic model to help you list your goals to start living your dream. It is intended to be applied across every area of your life.
“If you dream it, you can do it,” Walt Disney said.
Within the 8 Masts of Mastery, ask yourself what you desire to achieve:
What can you do right now as you pen your dream life plan to make it a reality?
Only you know. Only you can make your dreams come true. Only you have that desire. Only you can put an end date on them.
Once you start to realize these crucial points, you’ll take responsibility for your life. If you think it’s someone else’s fault, you’re not living your dream and you’ve obviously given that person control of your life. Take it back! Author William Johnsen said something I’ve been repeating for years: “If it is to be it is up to me.” I’ve since changed this to remove any doubt. I don’t use the “if” word any longer.
Quite simply, there are 10 two-letter words that will determine your future and they must become one of your daily mantras: “As it is to be, it is up to me.” Once you identify what your “it” is and why “it” matters so much within each of the 8 Masts of Mastery, go after each “it” relentlessly.
Go well!
DL
“Do or do not, there is no try.”
All Rights Reserved | David Lee