In searching for the author of this quote, I find it has been attributed to Confucius, Mahatma Ghandi, Helen Keller, An Irish Proverb and even French football phenomenon Zinedine Zidane, quoted as having said “I once cried because I had no shoes to play soccer, but one day, I met a man who had no feet.”
I had rattled off the expression during a presentation I was giving around Covid resilience in our most recent bout of lockdowns here in Sydney, Australia.
I had been asked in the Q&A component what advice I would give to people in relation to how to handle the “setbacks” the disappointment of extended lockdowns was bringing.
I moved on from my feet analogy, with even greater emphasis on perspectivism, referring to the book I recommend more than any other, as essential reading for anyone struggling with their “WHY” or “PURPOSE” in life - Victor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” – you can grab a copy
here
Written in 1946 as a first-hand account, chronicling Frankl’s experiences as a prisoner across 4 Nazi concentration camps during World War II, and describing his psychotherapeutic method; logotherapy, which involved identifying a purpose in life to feel positive about, and then committing to imagining that purposeful outcome as inevitable.
My reference was in relation to how prisoners had pinned their hopes on the war ending and them being home by Christmas and each year as Christmas came and went and their imprisonment continued, prisoners would succumb to life ending illnesses such as typhus very soon afterwards or just give up on life in general without the ability to find their life’s meaning …
Within Man’s Search for Meaning Frankl refers to the 3 stages prisoners are faced with:
The first phase was that of Shock upon incarceration and admission to camp. Prisoners reacted in “out of character” ways.
The second phase was Apathy. After the initial shock of the atrocities, prisoners routinely accepted their new normal and became numb to the physical and psychological pain of the daily torment and suffering.
The third phase was that of Depersonalization.
Upon being released and tasting freedom, they felt as though they were observers of their life disconnected from themselves, their thoughts, and their feelings, almost as though in a dreamlike or rather, nightmarish condition.
Of the prisoners who seemed to avoid deterioration, it was those who were able to retain their sense of personal identity who had the highest peace of mind and survival. Frankl noted that survival and self-preservation depended more on mental-emotional strength than physical strength.
Healthy survivors had key coping methods:
Rich inner lives.
Prisoners who had rich inner lives coped much better than those who did not. Something as simple as appreciating the beauty of the odd sparrow which landed on the barbed wire fence surrounding the concentration camps, a sense of humour (dark as it may have had to be at times) religious or spiritual beliefs, prayer, writing - as Frankl did - a vivid imagination, a sheer love for life itself and somehow, an attitude of gratitude.
Goals for the future. Prisoners were stripped of their identities, possessions, and dignity, with no idea if or when their day of freedom would arrive. Those who still maintained their goals for life were able to persevere.
Frankl quotes another of my favourite all time quotes of German philosopher Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”
Purpose. Despair, Frankl posits, is suffering without meaning, once meaning is established, tragedies can be turned into personal triumphs.
My personal belief is that life is about meaning and memories. You create the meaning from the memories and the memories from the meaning.
Identifying where you find your true meaning in life, can help you to identify your life’s purpose.
I like to ask people where they find their greatest joys in life?
A simple 2-fold question I ask is “where do you spend most of your time and most of your money, happily?”
For me, many years ago, I realised I chose to spend most of my “free” time in some form of fitness or healthy activity and most of my money on the equipment or attire these activities required and books. Self-help books. Lots of Self-help books.. And so I have found great purpose and reward from the success of my personal training clients, eventually buying a gym and in my Executive Coaching practice and blogging such as this 😊
I developed a template to help others discover their Why, or PURPOSE, as the template explores.
PURPOSE
is the acronym I created to outline the process.
P
looks at the beginning of any undertaking which is Planning. Life management requires you to have a plan – Failure to plan is planning to fail. What are your daily routines and habits – from a life’s Purpose perspective you really must start with a plan that serves you. Your dailies are fundamental to your overall Purpose.
U
looks at Understanding
your Roles, Goals and Responsibilities
R
looks at Research. Researching the lessons you have learned in life and the mistakes you’ve made along the way and then doing everything in your power to ensure that they don’t recur.
P
looks at Presentation.
How does this all look and feel to you in an “as if now” reality – how do you look as the Purposeful individual you choose to be?
O
looks at Optimism. You must have a confident expectation that everything you set your mind on, will be inevitable with the right set of plans and your overall Purpose in mind.
S
looks at Solutions. What works what does not. What is the worst thing that could possibly go wrong? What do you need to stop doing, start doing and continue doing in order to achieve your overarching Purpose?
E
looks at Effectiveness. What is the most effective thing you could do right now towards your Purpose? What is the best use of your time right now and every day to ensure that your overall Purpose is Purposeful.
Despite the circumstances in a concentration camp, Victor Frankl explains that prisoners still had choices. Prisoners constantly decided if they would push to survive another day or simply give up.
Their daily choices, including how they chose to interpret their situation and respond to them, defined who they were as a person.
As I walked through a local park at the height of our Sydney winter keeping with social distancing and the current Covid lock down restrictions, aware of the sunny 19 degrees Celsius (66 degrees Fahrenheit) I am so fortunate to find myself in – I had to pinch myself at the perspective I was gaining on comparisons between prison and paradise.
The joys of life itself, were driven home to me, having recently lost my robust 85-year-old father who passed away peacefully in his sleep without any warning – his blood pressure was 120/80 2 days before and he had walked up and back to his Doctor to learn this ; a good 4km walk.
My father had been keeping daily diaries since 1998 chronicling the events of each day rather than a ‘dear diary today I’m feeling glum’ account of things. He recorded all the great things that had occured each day ; his exercise for the day, who called the home, and other significant family events.
What struck me most was how many times the word “Great!” was written in his diary. It seemed my father had cracked the code on what an attitude of gratitude and a purposeful existence is all about. An attitude of Greatitude…
Be well.
DL
Gratitude is the memory of the heart - Jean Baptiste Massieu
For a free template of my LIVING YOUR LIFE ON PURPOSE program please email me
david@leeway.com.au