Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. Winston Churchill

November 23, 2021

In the virtual world we’ve managed to trade off the small talk of Covid for quite some time now and online networking events have been a bit icky and sometimes dominated by whoever shouted the loudest; blocking off everyone else’s mics.   


Lately I’ve had increased demand for my ever-evolving networking course as we enter back into the fold, the name of which has stood the test of time.

 

L.I.S.T.E.N

 

Many people have not coped well at all with Covid and rather than think that they are resorting to Covid small talk as their only form of conversation try and follow my acronym for developing good networking and communication skills. L.I.S.T.E.N

 

Let’s say you are at your first industry function back, or even a Christmas party as an example.

You look around for someone you may know or for someone to connect with.

As you approach a group of people deep in conversation, you wouldn’t interrupt them with a “Hey everybody! I did Muay Thai this morning and I sprained my ankle!”

Your best bet and most respectful approach, would be to simply smile at someone in the group and stand there and L.I.S.T.E.N.

 

“The art of conversation lies in listening”― Malcolm Forbes

 

Eventually some kind-hearted person will say “Hi” and introduce themselves to you and in turn, you to the group.

You may after a respectful passage of time, be offered a conciliatory opportunity to add commentary or opinion to the conversation.

And now you…


L.I.S.T.E.N


L. Look in the eyes of the person you are speaking with as you talk to them & Look for their body language as a guide to stepping up your level of enquiry or enthusiasm – Communications experts estimate that 60% of our communications are represented by our body language. 

“Listen with your eyes as well as your ears.”― Graham Speechley


I. Imagine / I. Intuit - Use your Imagination to ask intuitive questions that will put the person at ease or show them that you are interested in them and what they have to say. If they do resort to Covid small talk, imagine why they feel they must. Is this person nervous or guarded?

The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination: Albert Einstein


S. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Stephen Covey’s 7 habits of highly effective people suggests that next to physical survival the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival – to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” –Dr. Stephen R. Covey.


T. Tame your tongue -don’t just be waiting for your turn to talk. As a kindergarten child I was a chatter box and was often asked by the teacher to put my index finger vertically over my lips, as a way to stop me from talking. The people who know me well, have noticed that when I am really listening, I automatically put my finger over my lips to ensure I stop talking.

The word ‘listen’ contains the same letters as the word ‘silent’.” Alfred Brendel


E. Empathise – How would you feel in their situation? Empathy is not sympathy. If you start to feel sorry for the person, you lose the role of servant, you are there to serve this person with strong companionship and either a shoulder to cry on, an ear to lean on, or as a sounding board for their problems, that not voiced, have been bouncing around in their heads.

“Listening is about being present, not just about being quiet.” – Krista Tippett


N. Never say No or But – say YES AND… if you have a differing opinion.

What’s worse is when you hear people say No, No, No, No, No – discrediting everything that you have just said OR when it is their turn to talk, saying “BUT, blah blah blah” everybody stops listening at this stage.

“Listen with your mouth closed and your heart open.” – Christine Toda

 

If you have a bit of trepidation around returning to the office and the workplace at one of the most sociable times of our business year, feeling you may have lost your moxie or mojo - or if you feel you dreaded socialising at the best of times, I hope this  brief synopsis of my course helps you re-engage.

 

My number one piece of advice would have to be that whilst it is said of Covid “we have all been in the same boat” - we have all really been in the same ocean…

Some of us have weathered stormy seas many times before and have probably sailed through Covid in Yacht like fashion – others have flourished and launched profitable online businesses, finding themselves in luxury speed boats, some have been able to spend more quality time than ever with family, feeling like they have been on a cruise ship - whereas some people have felt like they are nearly sinking, just barely holding on to life rafts of despair.


So, as you step off your Yacht or even release your grip on your life raft, don’t be too afraid of how you are going to go heading back into work or socialising over this coming festive season. We’ve all been in the same ocean and surprisingly everyone, no matter how confident they may appear on the outside, has some trepidation around returning to ‘normality’


My second piece of advice for attending functions… Arrive early! (which is on time in my books) Navigating a bustling room of revelers is difficult for the most seasoned networkers. It’s hard enough to hear yourself think let alone LISTEN to someone talk -

Big or Small …

 

Listen Well

DL



If you really want to learn to LISTEN and improve the quality of your relationships please book a complimentary 15 minute meeting with me, where I will LISTEN to you for 10 minutes and you can LISTEN to me for 4.. that will leave 1 minute for you to decide whether we you want to learn to LISTEN be heard or remain a part of the herd...


Calendly - David Lee



 


Don’t keep this to yourself. Spread the word.

By David Lee September 25, 2024
"How you wake up each day and your morning routine (or lack thereof) dramatically affects your levels of success in every single area of your life. Focused, productive, successful mornings generate focused, productive, successful days— which inevitably create a successful life." Hal Elrod (Author of The Miracle Morning )
By David Lee June 30, 2024
"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest." CONFUCIOUS In their book Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life, Hector García and Francesc Miralles write that there is no word in Japanese that means to retire in the sense of leaving the workforce for good. The Oxford Dictionary defines ikigai as “a motivating force; something or someone that gives a person a sense of purpose or a reason for living”. In researching their book, García and Miralles spent time in the village of Ogimi on the Japanese island of Okinawa. Ogimi is known as the village of longevity. Its 3000 inhabitants enjoy the highest life expectancy in the world. In Japanese culture, retiring and not keeping mind and body busy is considered bad for your health since it disconnects your soul from your ikigai. Being of service to the village by continuing to be involved in community life or continuing to work is felt to be a key ingredient to longevity. In the book, 92-year-old resident Akira says: “Every day I wake up and go to the fields to grow tomatoes. Later I walk to the grocery store next to the beach and sell them. In the afternoon I go to the community center and prepare green tea for all my family and friends.” These Japanese people keep doing what they love and what they are good at even after they have left the office for the last time. The French, of course, have a similar expression—“raison d’être”—which the Oxford Dictionary defines as “the most important reason for somebody’s/something’s existence”. The more time I spend with spritely elderly people, the more I find they are still involved in their community as volunteers or working the job they loved before they “retired”. Like many of the lessons older people have taught me, we shouldn’t wait until we’re retired to adopt their happiness-inducing and youth-preserving behaviours. The definition of what makes people happy varies greatly, however in his book From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, Arthur C. Brooks believes that the three major ingredients of happiness are enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose. The satisfaction and enjoyment I receive from encouraging people to be better than they believe they are, and to press on in times of hardship, provides a real sense of meaning and purpose in my life. The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, replied: “Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” I’ve coached many people who spent the first half of their lives chasing wealth and are now spending the second half of their lives chasing back their health. I’ve been coaching many more people lately who aren’t concerned about the health they have lost. They fear being cast aside and replaced by much younger yet inexperienced people, threatening the wealth they created while they adopted a “health is your wealth” mentality. Those deciding my client’s fates are themselves, in most cases, much younger than these seasoned campaigners. The dirtiest secret I keep for one of my good friends is his age. He invited me to his 40th, which was really his 50th and the younger folks were none the wiser. The best kept secret of my healthiest clients is also their age. I used to say the payoff of fitness is vanity. These days I say it is sanity. The peace of mind my fit "old" friends have is that they look younger than their age, because they look after themselves. In searching for ideas to support how I wanted to describe the collective suffering people have struggled with in the past yet are now enjoying equality and opportunities provided for them after many generations of struggle, ChatGPT served up the following. "Diversity refers to the presence of differences within a given setting. These differences can include various dimensions such as race, ethnicity, gender, age, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, physical abilities, religious beliefs, political beliefs, and other ideologies." Unprompted, I was then offered, “In a broader sense, diversity encompasses the unique characteristics and perspectives that individuals bring to a group, organization, or society, enriching the collective experience and fostering a more inclusive environment.” I was invited to pitch for a consulting role with a global organisation 10 years ago and the friend who had organised the meeting warned me of the CEO’s bias toward younger people. Within 10 minutes of our meeting, the CEO was challenging the energy levels and enthusiasm of more experienced people as he called them, versus that of 20–30-year-olds. At this point, with the benefit of the heads up, I pulled out my phone and showed him a video to illustrate my point in age versus experience I went on to suggest that the challenge for the 3 standout players in this video was to teach the energetically enthused players how to do what they could do, while they were on the job, not in handover notes that will never be read.. I got the gig. I do think that ageism is the last blatant discrimination in the workplace and needs to be addressed by those with much more clout than my keyboard and contacts can achieve. The brave new world aside, Dame Carol Black from the Centre for Ageing Better brilliantly pointed out “Ageism compounds all other “isms”. Ageism and sexism; ageism and racism etc” A final word to the “whys” of those considering losing experience from their workforce is best left to Carole Eastern CEO of Ageing Better; “Ageism is prejudice against our future selves” The challenge for any generation is to assimilate with people of all ages. Most of the best advice I received in the workforce was bestowed upon me by older colleagues in a social setting for the cost of a steak and a wine, and most of the advice I have dispensed to younger colleagues has been dispensed the same way. Curiously, when I joined the workforce, the biggest shortcoming that was ever levelled at me was my lack of experience.. Age well. DL “The young have bad manners, contempt for authority, disrespect for their elders and a love for chatter instead of exercise. Children began to become the tyrants of their households ……. They no longer rise for their elders ….” Socrates
By David Lee June 21, 2024
“It seems to me that the real problem is the mind itself, and not the problem which the mind has created and tries to solve. If the mind is petty, small, narrow, limited, however great and complex the problem may be, the mind approaches that problem in terms of its pettiness.” Jiddu Krishnamuti
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